Alright. Full-disclosure time.
Last week, I signed up to be a jewelry rep. I won’t say which one, because I don’t intend to use this blog as a forum for sales. Instead, I want to write about the decision behind it. I figure that maybe, if I can write about it without having a complete panic-attack, then the actual “doing-it” will be easier. Here’s why:
Being a stay-at-home mom is tough. Being a mom is tough. Period. I doubt that many people would argue that. It’s by far the toughest job that I’ve ever had. And for me, one of the hardest parts of being at home is that I don’t contribute financially. Now, I married an amazing guy who reminds me everyday about all the different ways that I do contribute, so the hang-up is all mine, but it’s still a hang-up. And as much as I work to stretch Pierre’s paycheck (I am the coupon queen!), the guilt is still there. Any other stay-at-home moms feel this way? It’s hard. And the realization, for me anyway, becomes all the more glaring when I look to the future and see college around the corner. It’s going to come faster than I can blink.
So, I’d been looking for something to do to help with the boys’ college fund when the jewelry rep opportunity presented itself. I had a party for a friend, and had a great time. Girlfriends, wine and beautiful pieces to try on. What could be more fun? I liked the tone of the company, and the chance to help ladies, like myself, plan a fun event to pamper themselves a little. I liked that the company sponsors fundraisers too. Giving back while feeling pretty. Sounded good to me. Earn a little, give back a little, all with enough flexibility so as to not take time away from Benjamin and Nicholas and Pierre. And though there are other options for me, tutoring being one, all the above seemed like a good fit.
I started doing research. I asked questions, Googled, and generally drove everyone crazy teetering back-and-forth between doing and not doing, for over a month. Finally, after a great (and clarifying) talk with my sister, I bit the silver bullet (so to speak), and signed-up. When my kit came in the mail about three days later, I felt absolutely sick to my stomach. What on earth had I done?
You see, I considered a whole lot before making my decision: the company, the demographics, the time commitment, the money and so on. Perhaps what I didn’t consider enough was my own suitability for the job. I am in no way a salesperson. Just asking people to look at a catalog makes me uncomfortable (hence wanting to write about it panic-attack free…at this point, I’m trying hard to breathe). Getting myself out there, which I would need to do to make this work, makes me extremely uncomfortable. I’m not even much of a jewelry wearer. See the problem?
If it were up to me, I could comfortably stay in my little mommy-world forever. The boys and I have a routine, and I thrive in it. I could go weeks without driving on a highway, and traveling further than ten minutes away to the grocery store. Seeing the same people, going to the same activities: sounds great! Remember my very first blog when I wrote about tending to stress? Well, staying in my little world decreases all that stress. It’s a happy, comfortable, safe place to be. And frankly, I’ve grown to love it.
But, how can I possibly expect to teach my sons to grow, without doing the same? Sports are hard for Benjamin. I am forever pushing him out of his comfort zone to help him experience new things, discover new likes, and learn that it won’t hurt to challenge himself. Shouldn’t I be doing the same? Most of you know that I’m studying to be a school psychologist. I’ve taken a whole lot of courses in counseling. Part of what I’ve learned is to teach others that though change is hard, it is possible. Change leads to growth. Shouldn’t I be practicing what I intend to teach?
Maybe I’m overthinking it. It’s just selling jewelry after all. We’re not talking about a move around the world, or a life-altering decision. But, it is still light-years out of my comfort zone. So, I’m going to look at this new endeavor as an opportunity for personal growth, not just financial gain. In fact, of the two, I’m betting the growth will yield bigger gains. I want to be able to show the boys that it’s ok to put yourself out there, even when it scares you. Especially when it scares you.
Still breathing…
xo Naomi
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