Too Much of a Good Thing

I am going to start this post by saying that I love Benjamin and Nicholas a whole lot. They are two of my three everythings (and I’ll add in that I know, I KNOW, how lucky I am to be their mommy. Any doubt about that, read my blog).

But, good grief, my sons are driving me crazy!! And boys, Mommy says this with all the love in the world: we are all spending just a little too much time together right now.

Anyone else feeling that way? 

There’s no routine right now, nowhere that we need to be each day, and no separation for the boys from each other. School is out. Swim lessons are done for the summer. We’re back from Montreal. And even though our days are filled with pool and park, play-dates and errands, it is a whole lot of togetherness. Sometimes, there really is too much of a good thing.

Frankly, I think Ben and Nicholas are getting a little sick of each other. Probably because they are on top of each other, all day long. It’s like some weird magnetic, brotherly-love. The more they need to be apart the closer, physically, they get. The other day, Benjamin yelled that his brother wouldn’t leave him alone…as they were wrestling, with Ben pinning Nicholas to the floor. Huh??!! If you want to be alone, get the heck off your brother!!!

And boy, are they ever good at pushing each other’s buttons. They’ve spent enough time together lately to perfect the button pushing.

Benjamin has become very, VERY adept at tuning-out his little brother. He has it down to an art. Imagine Nicholas’ reaction. The more Ben ignores him, the more in Ben’s face Nicholas gets. The more in his face Nicholas is, the more Ben ignores him. It is the perfect storm of sibling discord. Benjamin is the kind of kid who needs his space, and understands that about himself. Nicholas is the kind of kid that needs space imposed on him. Right now, there is no space, apart from a Mommy-induced quiet time.

The other day Nicholas followed Ben around the house, on his heels, mimicking every move his older brother made. His actions had nothing to do with imitation or flattery.

“Why are you following Ben?” I asked.

Nicholas gave me a cheeky smile and replied, “Because I want to.”

Yeah. Guess how that ended? Suffice to say, both boys were given space – in time-out. And I contemplated a drink. I settled for tea. The doctor who suggested that I cut down on caffeine obviously never spent significant amounts of time with boys born less than two years apart.

And honestly, it doesn’t matter how busy I keep them. We’re busy. Trust me.  Busy doesn’t count because they are being busy together. What they need is a little time being busy away from each other. And, on the flip-side, they also need down-time away from each.

Largely, this predicament is self-induced. I didn’t sign the boys up for camp or activities, apart from swimming, because I wanted to spend time with them this summer before Ben started kindergarten. I figured there would be tons of opportunities for camp as they grow. In hindsight (and isn’t hindsight a pain in the bum?) I should have put both in some sort of separate activity. The time spent together would then have been about quality, not quantity. See? Too much chocolate cake will make you sick.   

I think I’m driving the boys crazy too. It’s a swinging door. I am way less effective lately. And I’m getting sick of the sound of my own voice. Benjamin and Nicholas miss the daily reinforcement from other adults that school, or a camp, offers. And I know that they miss the routine. They don’t realize that, but kids (and adults) need routine. We thrive on it. And as much as the break from routine is sweet, getting back to it can be sweet too.

Does that mean that I want September to hurry along. No. I still love my summer with my boys. It just means that next summer, I’ll plan things a little differently. 

And I know, time goes by quickly, so I had better enjoy it now. Again, I say hindsight. When you’re in the thick of it, it can be hard to remember to enjoy.

xo Naomi

P.S. Something to enjoy?  Yesterday, Benjamin asked me for two hydrogens and an oxygen, please. And right now the boys are telling me all about dinosaur poop.